Sustainable dating…?

Organising a sustainable date can be a tricky business

“Can I just check: do you have any organic food on your menu?”
“Uh, no, sorry.”
“Oh, OK. Any local produce?”
“No, not that I can think of, madam.”
“Fairtrade?”
“Just our coffee.”
“Hmm, right. OK. Perhaps I’ll have to cancel that table then…”

Trying to organise an environmentally friendly date is not the simple task it first seems. Doing a bit of research on the net, ideas for a ‘green date’ range from visiting a flea market, to going on a hike or bike ride. They seem like great ideas in principle, but on a first date I don’t want my romancer to see me struck down by bargain fever like the maniacs you see pillaging Primark on a Saturday afternoon. Nor do I want to be seen red-faced, sweaty-pitted and gasping for breath while slumped over my handlebars.

Call me old-fashioned if you will, but for a first date I’d like a little convention – say, dinner and drinks perhaps? And at the same time, I’d like to do as little harm to the environment as possible. Considering how many dates people go on each year, changing things to help the planet could have quite an impact.

I considered joining Greensingles.com, the online dating site for those becoming increasingly known as ‘ecosexuals’: people who select their mates based on their shared environmental concerns (to quote trusty Wikipedia). But I’m not sure I’m ready to be labelled an ecosexual just yet, so I decided to just try and ‘green up’ a date with a fellow regular-sexual.
After many a phonecall and many a response along the lines of “Organic food? I’m running a restaurant here, not a hippy market,” I finally found a viable eatery. Well, I actually found two, but one had stopped serving food… six months ago.

To keep the journey carbon-neutral I had to keep my sights local and within walking distance, but unfortunately I have trouble estimating distance and “a short stroll” was actually two miles of praying it didn’t rain.

“Our emphasis is on good, healthy food with a conscience,” say Mandy and Paul who run the forward-thinking Monkey Café. “It’s important to us that we support fair trade and organic causes.” To my glee, the food was not just Fairtrade and organic, it was also free range, locally sourced and bloody lovely. Whether you’re a vegan, veggie or carnivore; ecosexual, regular-sexual or just kind of sexual, this place catered for all.

Trying to find an environmentally conscious restaurant was hard work, but finding a pub or bar for some post-date drinks seemed to be impossible, and I had to resign myself to sampling from Monkey’s Fairtrade wine list before going to a very regular-sexual pub.

But, little did I know that, if you ask the right person behind the bar, you’ll find most pubs do stock some locally brewed alcohol. I say ask the right person because the first chap I tried to ask thought I was asking for a cocktail: “No love, sorry we don’t do orgasmic ale, sex on the beach instead?”

Do try to remain slightly calm, mind, when the bartender (eventually) produces said local ale. Excitement over its low-carbon status, if unexplained, can apparently come across as alcoholic behaviour – especially when coupled with an eagerness to get it down the hatch. In my defence, I was just really thirsty.

Unless you’re a budding lager lout, content with considerably strong cider or lucky enough to find local wine, it is slim pickings. But the fact that the option is there should be celebrated. Responsibly, of course.

And for those among us who, on first dates, tend to dive straight into the sexual relations side of things – it happens – I have one word for you: Mates. Made of natural rubber and just as safe as regular-sexual favourites.

Did I succeed in the quest for a sustainable date? Yes, in so far as I managed to hit all the green date targets: food, drink and travel. But in terms of convenience, I must concede, it was tricky!