Love the bees – they’re endangered!

It may be a strained relationship but if we don’t start showing the bees some love, we’re doomed

 

It’s time to call a truce with honey bees to save our homegrown food suppliers

The bee is a controversial fellow. On the one hand, I hate bees. They fly too close to your head, you can’t tell what they’re thinking and when they decide to sting you it bloody well hurts. But on the other, they’re seriously declining in numbers and, if you think about it, they’re kind of cute in a furry, bumbly way.

Of course warming to this point of view isn’t easy, since bees often seem like one of the worst features of summer. I’ve noticed that in the face of a bee people become one of three people:

The Flapper, who shrieks while running in any available direction, waving their arms in a bid to escape or fend off the bee (I put myself in this group).

The Freezer, who will become instantly rigid at the sight of airborne stripes because years ago someone, somewhere, told them that if you keep still bees won’t hurt you (does anyone know if this is actually true?).

And then there’s the Apparently Fearless, who will feign casual indifference and try to calmly sweep the bee away with a nearby newspaper, while secretly shitting their pants.

Top tips

It’s the potential sting of the creature we all fear, and at one time, before age instilled in me a sensitivity to all creatures and a desire to nurture the planet, I discovered a spray-and-swat system that defeated most bees and wasps. It was a combination of Flash With Bleach Power Spray, a rolled up Sugar magazine and the timing of a Jedi. I do not advise this now however: it’s very cruel and very messy.

But times have changed, and the bee that once wielded such power at the edge of paddling pools and near the ketchup bottle at barbecues now needs our help.

There are a number of theories behind the falling bee population, ranging from destruction of habitat to the spread of bee diseases.

A common theory is that a parasite called the Varroa Mite is attacking our humble bumblers before they even hatch. As the bees grow, so do the blood-suckers, making bees weak and ill.

I may have often wished there were fewer bees, but if that were to happen long-term, both us and the environment would suffer dire domino-effect consequences.

The downside

No bees means little pollination, which in turn means the amount of fruit, crops and farming yields across the nation would plummet, as well as all sources of local honey.

Farmers would face real financial problems, local food producers might struggle to stay afloat and, possibly worst of all, Haagen Dazs say there would be no ingredients for many of their ice creams. Tragedy in the making.While it’s true that we could import honey and fruit, that option is far from helpful in terms of reducing carbon emissions. Nor would it help the number of people working on farms and in local food production find new jobs. And to make matters worse, the bee is endangered in many other places around the globe too.

So what can we do about it? Simple: embrace the bee! Not literally, as their ability to sting hasn’t weakened, but do try your best not to kill them any more. We should sympathise with the furry fiends – they’re struggling for survival. Anything that makes pollen and nectar more available would also be a help… so you know what that means, don’t you? Cue some guerrilla gardening.